Monday arrived and Ewan was staying over again. I’m relieved he did because he had to break some bad news to me.
My Nan had been took to hospital as she had a fall and felt really dizzy when she tried to stand up or walk. She has had TIA’s (mini-strokes) before. A CT scan revealed that it was a stroke…I was heartbroken.
I felt like it was my fault as the stress of everything happening to me had made my mum, Ewan and my sister ill, over the months. I couldn’t stop crying, I felt nothing but guilt. Gradually, I began to think rationally and I realised that this was bound to happen at some point, it’s just nobody was expecting it yet.
Fortunately, an MRI revealed that the stroke took place in her back (I didn’t even know that was possible!). Thankfully, it was caught in it’s very early stages so she wasnt badly affected.
Tuesday morning, Grace arrived for our session just as Ewan was about to leave. He threw his backpack on and gave Grace a hug. That’s when it hit me.
This would be the last time they were going to see each other. Tears filled my eyes. Ewan gave me a cuddle and a quick kiss and that was the last time he walked out of my room.
I couldn’t look Grace in the eye for a few moments but as soon as I did, she asked, “Are you OK? I burst into tears. Inbetween sobs, I replied, “I really am going home”. Grace put her hand on my shoulder, comforting me.
Flashbacks of my first week in hospital were racing through my head. I remembered laying in my bed, telling my Mum to take me home yet I was angry at her for not doing so. To be fair, I didn’t know why I was there. I’m sorry Mum, I was scared.
Fast forward to now, 9 months later, I was finally preparing myself for going home.
Once I had calmed down, we didn’t have long left in our session but I managed to finish the editing for the staff photos!
In physio, on the plinth, I was practising rolling onto my front and getting on all fours; if I was to ever fall. The first time was not pretty, my arms and legs had a mind of their own and they werennot doing what my brain was telling them to do!
But that was my fault, I have a tendency to get over-excited when I try something new, ergo my limbs dont co-operate.
The second time was a lot better, I paced myself and moved slowly, managed to hold my balance and then….fell flat on my face 😂
Mum didn’t visit me that night as she wanted to be with my Nan. I actually liked having time to myself so I wasn’t overly bothered by this. In all fairness, I craved time to myself, especially so close to discharge day. I wanted to reflect on all the highs throughout my journey to recovery.
Wednesday morning came and I was still worried about my Nan, I wanted to see her so badly and it angered me knowing I couldn’t. I was also dreading my session with my psychologist, only because it was going to be our last session.
In the afternoon, my rehab doctor came to say goodbye, she is the loveliest and a brilliant doctor too! She praised me on my progress and we arranged an appointment for February.
Shortly after my doctor left, my psychologist arrived. She has been bloody amazing, she has helped me to think more rationally when I panic and has even encouraged me to study Psychology. We have gone into depth about how our minds work and the subject has always fascinated me from when I first ever received counselling, at the age of 13.
She also praised me on how far I had come, not physically but mentally and emotionally. We briefly reflected on my journey and I thanked her for supporting me and for being amazing at what she does. We said our goodbyes and gave each other a hug. As soon as she left, I felt empty.
In the evening, Mum visited me and within 30 minutes of being there, she contacted the ward that my Nan had been admitted to. Only to be told that my Nan had been transferred to a different ward. There were only 2 stroke wards at King’s Lynn.
Mum came off the phone and started cheering, I looked at her like ‘What the hell are you doing?!’ A few moments after she calmed down,, she said with delight, “Mums been moved to West Raynham ward” I stared at her like 😳 and quickly added, “You’re fucking kidding me!!”. This ward is the one I was at before being transferred to Rehab.
I had never seen someone so elated that a loved one had been transferred to their favourite ward, well my favourite. Nonetheless, it reassured us knowing my Nan would be well looked after.
Julie, one of my favourite nurses, came in my room to help me get into bed. She always gave me a hug before she finished. I didn’t want to let her go, she didn’t notice I was crying until we parted. She hugged me again because I was crying. Then she started crying. We couldn’t say goodbye as we were both too emotional.
Not long after Julie left, I was sobbing. She really is a beautiful woman inside and out, she’s an exceptional nurse and I will really miss her.
Kerrie, another favourite, popped her head in to say goodbye, it broke my heart when she told me that Julie was still crying, walking down the corridor. I love Kerrie, I kind of taught her a naughty word in sign language…her favourite word and she loves me for it 😂 She gave me a hug and left me to have my last night’s sleep at Rehab.
Check out the final installment of Rehab Antics: Discharge Day now available!